Misinformation and Misunderstandings in Adult Relationships

Many people are super private and sexually oppressed. So, if that is your nature, please do not read this. If you stereotype people or assume the worst, this might also be something you want to pass on.

I had a partner before who I would consider hypersexual, and that’s why I wasn’t surprised in the least when he developed a relationship with a woman in a different town. There was another lady too, and she was a hot mess. I found out about her from her. She had requested that my fiancé leave me, and he had declined. The other woman just showed up at my house when I was cooking dinner. She was very neurotic and on a lot of medications. From what I understand, she pulled a gun on him once.

These ladies didn’t see me and didn’t know I was there. He just lied to everyone. I was there way before both of them. We went out places. The other women were just in a different town. I think they became frustrated with his lying and tracked me down by digging through his things. One lady left an earring for me to find. He said, “I picked it up off the ground.”

They didn’t know we were engaged. I was just as happy as can be with my happy family. The other women’s townspeople didn’t know that I was the one being cheated on because there are preconceived notions about black women. People just assumed that these other women were there first.  His job and apparently other things called him away a lot. I wanted him to maintain a good relationship with his kids to reduce stress for them. They loved their mom, and I encouraged that. The kids and he would go on vacation to his property on Vero Beach, and I never imposed myself because they were going through transitions. Plus, I enjoyed time with just my son, and I sometimes had time to just myself. He was very busy with work and I was very busy with my business. We were just juggling life. There was nothing wrong with me. He seemed to have an undiagnosed sexual addiction.

When I acquired his attention, I did it the right way. Although another woman had broken up his relationship with his wife, it wasn’t me. However, his wife was mad at every black woman after being cheated on by him. She made clear to me she did not want him and when he was really into me, I even offered to send him home. I literally encouraged him to pack up his place and go home, but she did not want him. She just wanted him to pay the bills. She told me she was mad and was hitting him in the wallet. She had a boyfriend.  I think she said, “He’s going to pay for this!” Unfortunately, “this” came way before me.

She did some vindictive stuff behind the scenes. She hid in the shadows, got several times the amount of child support, and badmouthed me, even though I loved her kids. She was angry. It was displaced anger, and she scapegoated all her anger at me.

I will be upfront with you: Some women have a plan to destroy you from day one. The writing’s on the walls, but the men don’t want to see it. Women know this is true so we all can stop acting like we don’t know at least one of those women. Their momma raised them to be like that. I’ve been friends with these type of women. Maybe you are that woman. Men do their own stuff, so they can’t even act innocent.

When dealing with interracial relationships, the black person can be vulnerable to the exploits of the family, so if you are in that type of relationship, just be aware of this.

Some of these men have to understand that when you make certain women mad, they will take all of your stuff. All of it. These chicks will have you sleeping on the sidewalk, and step over you with their bags. If that’s what you want, by all means, get it.

This gentleman I was with had a white-collar job in a pretty high up position and was a sporting-events-golfing-and-loafers kind of guy.

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Once again, it was incorrectly assumed that I was the woman my partner was cheating with when I was actually #1 after the original. This is why we should just stay married to our first partners, but I’m happy with grace in these situations. It would also help us to mind our business.

Where was I when he was out acting up?

I was cooking, cleaning, managing my tutoring business, educating my son, volunteering in the community, and exercising. We didn’t argue until the very end of our relationship. Never was there any sign of a problem. We were one big happy family. Other than the inconvenience of one of the ladies driving past my house, showing up on my doorstep crying and stalking me in my own neighborhood, I was good. I really didn’t want this stuff in my neighborhood.

They were not welcome additions. They were just there.

That sounds crazy, but this is a true story about how interesting adult relationships can get because we cannot control what other people wish to do.

 

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